indiana jones and the weight of too much expectation


it didn’t really start well, did it? Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. its got the same kind of hopeful optimism and realistic nihilism reaction that The Phantom Menace had when its title was first officially announced. and where was it announced? the mtv movie awards. by shia labeouf. ugh.

lets face facts; these things don’t work out. if its been many a year since the previous installment, and you decide to reboot, its not gonna fly. look at the Star Wars movies. we had to wait til Episode III before old george had gotten his groove back, but by then, it was too late, and the few of us he had re-ensnared got lost again by Darth’s final line…..

and this isn’t exactly Die Hard 4.0. that movie wasn’t coming off the back of a trilogy of generally deemed classics. and it wasn’t nearly as long a wait since With A Vengence as it has been since The Last Crusade.

and have a look at the picture above. sure, harrison is still looking good, i.e. he doesn’t really look that much older since we saw him last donning the whip. but WTF is that dead thing beside him??? unless its a shrunken head mummy, i’m pretty sure its an alien mummy. thats right. i’ve outted this movie. its to do with aliens. there. get over it….. no? neither can i.

don’t get me wrong. i don’t want this movie to suck. but we’ve got george effing up his own saga, and deciding to put aliens into this movie as well. we’ve got shia labeouf, riding on the world’s biggest wave of misplaced acclaim since colin farrell. we’ve got an appearantly stellar script by frank darabont, only to be replaced by one from david keopp, who’s last script before this was for Zathura. we’ve got spielberg, while on one of his more interestingly dark and intelligent streaks, hasn’t had a fun movie since Jurassic Park. and that was 15 years ago! (disagree? lets see; Munich – too terrorist-y to be fun, War Of The Worlds – too much 9/11 subliminalism to be fun, The Terminal – too racist to be fun, Catch Me If You Can – too many daddy issues to be fun, Minority Report – too many dead children to be fun, A:I – too much haley joel osmand to be fun, Saving Private Ryan, Amistad, Schindler’s List – really shouldn’t have to explain why these three aren’t fun, even The Lost World was very dark).

it may be down to cate blanchett and ray winstone to save this. that, or the luck of the gods….. thats what they should’ve called it. Indiana Jones and The Luck Of The Gods. yeah. thats much better……


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