Disney Owns The Future!


The Year: 2011.

The Plot: Disney has completely taken over the world by releasing a virus-like slew of sequels to below-avergae films that were originally laced with good ideas, but now turn the stomachs of all those who try to view them.

The Proof: First off the bat is Tron 3-D. Oh, thats right. Its a new Tron movie. In 3-D. Contain us, for the excitement is just too much. Next we have National Treasure 3. Despite the obvious easiness it would be to add an “-D” to the end of the that title, Disney resisted the urge not to have it seem like Nicolas Cage wasn’t coming right at you as he is searching for his long lost career and hair. Then there’s Cars 2. Yes, the outright worst Pixar/Disney movie, both financially and critically, is due for a sequel. No sequels for the much more potential-filled likes of Monsters Inc. or The Incredibles. Oh no. Why give the audience what it wants when you can just bore them to tears with another story about abondoned cars in the desert? And finally, there will be Pirates Of The Caribbean 4. Did you know that Dead Man’s Chest made $1.1 billion in cinemas alone? Or that At World’s End made $959 million? We’re all used to tosh like Epic Movie and Saw 29 topping the box office for an opening weekend, but when generally derided films start closing in on the Billion Dollar Mark, surely its an early sign of the Apocalypse? Thankfully, Pirates 4 hasn’t got a nailed down script yet. There are currently two in the running, with one being entirely set on a single ship (making it much more cost effective), and the other to appearantly including a floating island of treasure guarded my dinosaurs (which would be slightly less cost effective). Does it make us bad people that we think the second idea sounds awesome? It does? Well…. we don’t care. Because it does sound awesome!


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