Max Payne. Or Max Pain?


Poor, poor, interesting Mark Wahlberg. Appearantly, the last truly hard man left in the world that is (appearantly, comparitively) a Hollywood full of wusses. And when Wahlberg is good, he is very very good (Boogie Nights, Three Kings, The Departed, I Heart Huckabees), but when he is bad…… well, thats just the thing. Even though he has been in his own fair share of cinematic muck (Shooter, The Italian Job, The Truth About Charlie, Four Brothers), he manages to maintain his sense of genuine talent, and make even the dodgiest ape-based remake seem watchable.

But that may all be about to change. Max Payne is based on a groundbreaking videogame that is loved the world over. Now, the game isn’t groundbreaking in any visual or game-playing way. It was groundbreaking in its narrative. It had a story. A genuine plot, and your actions within the game affected the eventual outcome. That, and you were playing the lead character Max who was on the verge of a mental breakdown having seen your wife and newborn baby murdered in front of you, and then you being promptly set up for said murder. Ergo, its revenge time.

And who will be directing this potentially good video-game-to-movie-transfer? John Moore. Lets have a look:

Yay!: Nothing.

Oh?: Nothing.

Bah!: Behind Enemy Lines, Flight Of The Phoenix, The Omen.

It hurts me to say this about a fellow Irishman (especially one was in the same college course as myself), but this does not bode well. Well, some of does. Wahlberg’s co-star:


Thats Mila Kunis. Don’t know who she is? Well, thats probably because she’s most famous, aside from That 70’s Show, for being the voice of Meg in Family Guy! I know! I had no idea either! So, in summation, Mila Kunis is very talented. The End.


11 responses to “Max Payne. Or Max Pain?

  1. How could you not know Mila Kunis. Jackie in That 70’s Show fer chrissakes!

  2. she so hot id put it in her ear if she asked me 2

  3. Mila please contact me i love how hot you are.

  4. I will defenetly see your movie. You are a great actres and a beautiful one. You are the ukrainian version of Jessica Alba.

  5. Airbrushing does wonders for any girl, if only she was that hott, but in reality she’s just a tiny chick with no body at all, she looks about as frail as a Fabergé egg. You’re not a beauty, without the booty…

  6. I’d go out with you Mila, but only after you get you nose fixed. I loved your old nose better than your current one. However, you still have a sexy body and voice. Yum!

  7. Oh Meg, You and your drugs. Hea hea hea hea!

  8. what the fuck is that !!!!

  9. The game was the first to feature a slow-motion player-focus mechanism to heighten the level of action during fight sequences. As well, it is still probably the best execution of this component, despite several high-budget attempts to re-envision it.

    The story and the plot are okay, but the real strength in Payne is ambiance. Try playing for a bit before you act like you know anything about a game.

    Oh, and I would tell you guys to quit rubbing yourselves and go find dates, but given your clear surplus of chromosomes, I’ll say just say take a break and fill up on some shower toast.

  10. mona sax! do me proud girl! and hope to c your shower seen in the fun house.

  11. Lol @ the third comment.

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