Category Archives: Uncategorized

Voltron The Movie; Due 2010

Writer Justin Marks, the guy who what wrote Unbroken (no, us neither) and the forthcoming Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun Li, comes the script for big screen adaptation of Voltron, the cartoon that pre-dated the similar but less apocalyptic Power Rangers by about 15 years.

Its been described as “a post-apocalyptic tale set in New York City and Mexico which follows five ragtag survivors of an alien attack who band together and end up piloting the five lion-shaped robots that combine and form the massive sword-wielding Voltron that helps battle Earth’s invaders.”

Appearantly LatinoReview have read the script, and announced it as “a fucking masterpiece” and Cinemablend’s opinion doesn’t differ too much; “a well put together, well intentioned, incredibly faithful Voltron script using modern sensibilities.”

We’re sorry, but just how well intentioned to you intend to be when we’re talking about a film involving aliens, lion robots, and a giant samurai that fights the bad invaders with a big sword? That kinda shit might fly in Manga-land, but the is Hollywood baby. Thats not kosher here.

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“RockNRolla” Trailer

Most of Richie’s movies have had cool trailers, so that probably meant nothing. But Gerard Butler is awesome, Thandie Newton is amazingly hot, Ludacris is the only rapper/actor to actual manage to be good at both, Tom Wilkinson is great in everything and Jeremy Piven rules the world since Entourage.

But Guy Richie was wasted talented casts before. Lock, Stock…… was very good, but still over-rated. Snatch is very good, kinda under-rated, but still not great. And the less said about Swept Away and absolute cinematic abomination Revolver the better. In total, his cons outweight his pros, but he’s due a good turn. So fingers crossed. But still haven’t quite gotten over that horrific title.

Seth Rogen IS The Green Hornet

So, there you have it. Release date and everything. Rogen and Evan Samberg are writing the script (they also co-wrote Superbad and the upcoming Pineapple Express), and Stephen Chow (genius from Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle) will be taking the role of Kato, originally played by Bruce Lee. But as of yet, the whole expensive thing is director-less. Which is something of a worry, surely?

Don Cheadle Is A “Traitor”

What is it with boring, instantly forgettable film titles, and there boring, instantly forgettable posters? This movie has a kind of classy cast, with the great Don Cheadle playing a former counter-terrorist who may or may not have become an anti-US terrorist, being chased by the great Guy Pearce, who is the now has Cheadle’s old job. And then there’s Jeff Daniels as Pearce’s boss and Cheadle’s best friend, who may or may not be in on whole thing. And then there’s Neal McDonough, who doesn’t feature on the poster or in the trailer as far as we can tell, but he’s also great, and always kinda scary.

Anyways, it was directed and written by the guy who’s only majorly famous credit was writting The Day After Tomorrow, and the whole thing was based on an idea by Steve Martin(!), who dreamt it up while shooting on The Pink Panther(!).

Cheadle is always great, no matter what he’s in, and ditto Pearce, but this film just seems a bit kinda “Meh” with nothing substantial interesting behind it. Even the action scenes looked like they were shot in an abandoned car park in some poorly eastern European country, more obviously so than usual. Maybe there’s some deeper plot devices behind the whole thing that they didn’t want to give away with the trailer, which does make a nice refreshing change of pace. But thats a big “Maybe”.

Leonardo Di Caprio Wants To Be Everybody!

Having already played real life author Tobias Wolff in This Boy’s Life, real life poet Jim Carroll in The Basketball Diaries, another real life poet Arthur Rimbaud in Total Eclipse, real life con man Frank Abagnale Jr. in Catch Me If You Can and real life life crazy rich guy Howard Hughes in The Aviator, Leo is continuing on his “one man as all men” streak with his current plate of up and coming projects.

Having just announced that he will be playing James Bond creator Ian Fleming in the film bio of his life, Leo has also signed on for the the film bio of Nolan Bushnell, the creator of Atari, and legitimately all things computer games based. This is on top of him already signed on to play the title character of Martin Scorsese’s 2010 epic The Rise Of Theodore Roosevelt, historical Irish hero Brian Boru in Freedom Within The Heart and famous felon Jordan Belfort in the remake of The Wolf Of Wall Street.

I’m sorry, but just who does this guy think he is?? He can’t be everybody else, all of the time! And what about the poor schmuck who has to play Leo in the biopic of his life? He’s gonna have to play all of these people too! But did Leo give one second’s thought to that poor guy? No. No he did not.

Poster Talk; Wanted

James McAvoy: Is anybody buying this?

Angelina Jolie: Is that binary code on my arm?

James McAvoy: Me? With the two guns? Pretty masculine, right?

Angelina Jolie: Any bets that on my other arm it says “4 Fears”?

James McAvoy: It would seem that I am aiming at everything but the camera. I’m a terrible marksman.

Angelina Jolie: Whats that behind us? Is that a city? Are we having a shoot-out in the stratosphere?

James McAvoy: This action man thing didn’t work for Ewan McGregor, and he’s soooo much more manly than I am. i really don’t feel comfortable with all of this.

Angelina Jolie: Oh will you shut up! I thought I’d done my Tomb Raider two guns bit already. Didn’t you see me crying in A Mighty Heart? I’m Oscar worthy, damnit! What am I doing in this??

James McAvoy: I worry that the people will be fine with our futuristic, bullet bending, cars-into-trains-onto-buses stuff, but me with guns might be stretching the fabric of believability.

Angelina Jolie: I can’t believe I get third billing after you and Morgan Freeman in this movie but am still twice the size of you.

“Disaster Movie” Poster

We’re sure that “proper movie fans” are all moaning in unison at the sight of this poster on this “proper movie site”, but in all seriousness, that Al Gore tagline is great.

But any money that the tagline will be the funniest thing about the movie. From the, ahem, creative minds behind Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2, Scary Movie 3, Scary Movie 4, Date Movie, Epic Movie and the pinnacle of crapness, Meet The Spartans. The question remains; “Why do these movies keep getting made?”, and the answer is, because they keep making money. Not one of the above films has made less than $100 million, so its kind of a no-brainer for the producers. These movies are the McDonalds of modern movies, and McDonalds doesn’t look like its in any kind of financial trouble. The thing is, the first Scary Movie was actually kinda funny, so they have capability, but if they can go one minute without making a Britney Spears joke they should be thrown a parade and given a big trophy at the end of it.