See? Told You.
Yes, its fake, but yes, its awesome as shit.
The rather outrageously beautiful Scarlett has imbued a primal sexuality into pretty much every role she’s ever had, even the boring one’s like The Girl With The Pearl Earring and The Other Boleyn Girl, but now we have her pushing her own envelope with a lesbian sex scene with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen’s new one Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and now this poster for Frank Miller’s first singular directorial effort, and a tagline that should bring most men to their, well, knees.
This film could, and most probably, will end up to be a big steaming pile of poop, but will still make more money that most other films this year due to the massive hot female quotent involved. Who needs a marketing manager when you’ve got a cast as attractive as this?
What is it with boring, instantly forgettable film titles, and there boring, instantly forgettable posters? This movie has a kind of classy cast, with the great Don Cheadle playing a former counter-terrorist who may or may not have become an anti-US terrorist, being chased by the great Guy Pearce, who is the now has Cheadle’s old job. And then there’s Jeff Daniels as Pearce’s boss and Cheadle’s best friend, who may or may not be in on whole thing. And then there’s Neal McDonough, who doesn’t feature on the poster or in the trailer as far as we can tell, but he’s also great, and always kinda scary.
Anyways, it was directed and written by the guy who’s only majorly famous credit was writting The Day After Tomorrow, and the whole thing was based on an idea by Steve Martin(!), who dreamt it up while shooting on The Pink Panther(!).
Cheadle is always great, no matter what he’s in, and ditto Pearce, but this film just seems a bit kinda “Meh” with nothing substantial interesting behind it. Even the action scenes looked like they were shot in an abandoned car park in some poorly eastern European country, more obviously so than usual. Maybe there’s some deeper plot devices behind the whole thing that they didn’t want to give away with the trailer, which does make a nice refreshing change of pace. But thats a big “Maybe”.
There really is something about Eva Mendes. It could be that she is a genuine acting talent, or her inate ability to make pretty every minute action and word pulsating with sexual energy, or it could be all the lesbian rumours flying around that makes her a forbidden fruit thing. Whatever the reason, real or rumour, she is amazing, and while has made more than her fair share of boo-boo’s as far as choosing which movies to be in (Ghost Rider, anyone?), she has still been probably the best thing in it.
And so on to The Spirit, with its fantastic cast, full of very sexy women (more on that can be found elsewhere on this very site), and the new poster showing off Mendes’ very specific skill sets, with a great little tagline that you can almost hear Eva purring from the poster. Fantastic.
So, you’re ugly. That’s too bad. But you don’t want to be ugly no more. So what do you do? Hit the gym and hope that a killer six pack will distract the ladies from your heinous face? Work hard and save up for plastic surgery? Or work hard and save up and hope that a killer bank account will distract the ladies from your heinous face? Well, if you’re Jim Sturgess (pre-looking like Jim Sturgess), the most obvious choice is to make a deal with the devil to become handsome like Jim Sturgess. The only snag is that you have to become a serial killer of bad people in return.
Thats the basic plot to Heartless right there. And while the poster is kinda nifty and the handsome Sturgess has done some great work in Across The Universe and some good work in 21, and the fact that it has an okay line up with the likes of Clemence Poesy, Noel Clarke, Timothy Spall and Eddie Marsan, there’s still not alot to get excited about. Its directed by Philip Ridley (who?), who’s been all quiet on the cinematic front since his 1995 film The Passion Of The Darkly Moon (what?), and then there’s the fact that the plot sounds like a cross between comedy t.v. show Reaper and comedy films She’s All That and every other teen comedy flick that has a barely less than utterly attractive person who’s given a makeover (which usually involves them getting contact lenses and washing their hair) and then BAM! all of a sudden you’re a hottie. But taking all these comedic elements, and playing them up in a horror movie?
Based on a very famous and popular series of comic books, WitchBlade tells the story follows a specially chosen female who comes into possession of “a supernatural, sentient artifact with immense destructive and protective powers” called the Witchblade. The jewel-encrusted gauntlet gives the wearer extraordinary powers. Directed by Michael Rymer who has redeemed himself of the truly awful Queen Of The Damned by directing some of the better episodes of the recent revival of Battlestar Galactica.
And if you don’t think that it’s the greatest teaser poster for any film ever, then you obviously don’t entirely understand what it is you’re looking at.